Dear Footballers,
This has probably been the most confusing and disconcerting few months that you’ve ever experienced. Despite all the adversities and challenges you've overcome and the adjustments you've had to make throughout your career, what you’re experiencing now along with the rest of the world is quite unique to say the least. A positive is that you may be able to transfer some of the lessons you learned in football to this new experience! And while the world is going through this all together, the way you are experiencing it may be extremely different to others, to even your own teammates. As leagues start to return to playing, and others begin to prepare for the restart of their season there’s just one thing I want to say. Whatever you are feeling. Whatever thoughts are arising. However you are handling this new situation. All of it is normal. And ALL of your feelings are valid. First let me say that if you’re reading this I hope that you and your loved ones are all in good health! These times now during this covid crisis are tragic and frightening. People are losing their jobs, their wellbeing, and their lives. But we cannot lose hope. And if you’re a professional footballer reading this you may also be grieving for what you lost. What has been taken away from you without any warning, and without any certainty of return. You lost one of your deepest loves, the beautiful game. I know a lot of people will read that and be horrified by the fact that I just compared not playing football to losing a life, but the reality is that it is exactly what it feels like to some players. It’s a reality that is not often discussed because of how harsh or “dramatic” it can sound to someone who doesn’t understand, but this letter is not meant for those people. And if football is not a deeply passionate, transcending, motivating, fulfilling matter to you on a mind, body, and soul level then this letter is probably not for you either. In fact, when players get injured, sometimes a grief response model is used to help athletes cope with their loss. These are the same ones used with a person who has just lost a loved one. Having football taken away is more than just a loss of a game or a job, it’s a loss of love. It’s not only something they give their love to, but when played the right way, the beautiful game is a source of pure unconditional love. To many, the sport is really like their baby. It’s also a loss of routine, and even identity. I’m quite known for my injuries and whenever I speak to a fellow injured athlete and I express to them that it feels like my heart’s been ripped out, most of the time they just say “YES!” with such a sigh of relief that someone has put what they are feeling into words and that they’re not the only one that feels that way. When I tell them that grief models are often used, they feel much less ashamed for what may seem as a “wrong” way to feel. I want to let players know that if you’re feeling that way, it is very normal and okay. When this pause in the season came, and government orders of isolation were put in place, I immediately thought of all the players who have suffered an injury. Injuries are isolating in nature. There’s the mental and emotional aspect of being away from the thing you love, your teammates, that interconnectedness, being stuck in your mind with your own thoughts, even being away from your identity as a player which can cause serious problems for those who do not have a strong sense of self. Then of course the physical isolation where you’re in the treatment room while everyone’s outside or you're home with your leg up watching your team play on TV. Now you’re being asked to isolate again! Some players may approach it with a “been there, done that” attitude if they’ve mastered the art of a holistic injury recovery (which is rare since majority of rehabs only focus on the physical recovery). Others who might have had a traumatic injury may experience PTSD-like symptoms during this time. Memories of the injury and all the psychological challenges that presented themselves during their rehab could resurface. If this relates to you, just take a moment to realise how far you’ve come. How much you’ve grown. These memories may come into your mind, and instead of trying to immediately block it out, just let it pass through. I think there are times when its beneficial to train our mind to immediately stop a negative thought, but sometimes its only like putting a bandaid on a wound that’s going to bleed through. When it comes to trauma, and what you’re feeling seems deeper on an emotional level than just mental, it’s better in the long run to really sit with your emotions and understand them. When you understand them you’ll be better able to manage them if they surface again, and I promise they won’t feel as strong. It may sound cheesy, but really take a moment for gratitude. These memories are bringing back a past of pain and hurt, but look at you now. Healthier, wiser, and stronger because of what you’ve been through. Yes you’re in isolation again, but you’re in a much better position than you were before. If it gets too overwhelming and you feel like you can't escape your thoughts (while you literally can’t escape your home) create a space in your flat or your house that you can spend some time in when things get too much. This could also help if you’re someone who sees football as an escape from your everyday problems, and can’t use the game as an outlet to express yourself during these times. Maybe a corner with some of your favourite photos, or under one of your favourite framed jerseys from an idol you played against, a spot where you and your dog love to spend time together, or even make a pillow fort like you’re a kid again! Whatever works for you. Maybe this will be a space you nap in, journal, meditate, scroll through the gram, read, watch cartoons or documentaries, just whatever makes you feel good. It may sound silly, but don’t knock it till you try it. Physically creating a space where the main focus of the energy is on healing, joy, relaxation, and inspiration will not only help you escape the bad feelings you may have, but will help strengthen and cultivate the good. What have you got to lose? Besides maybe cleaning up a bit of a mess if you took my pillow fort recommendation. I think that’s what’s key on the journey of healing, on the quest for greatness. When it comes to reaching our goals, winning trophies, or actualising our full potential we must be open minded, curious, and eager to learn the endless possibilities of what can help us achieve excellence. Finding out what doesn’t work for us is just as important as finding out what does. If you’re towards the end of your career and been thinking of retirement, this could have been a bit of a harsh reality check. You got a glimpse of what life may be like when you hang up your boots, and it’s okay if you did not like it. Even hated it. Some teammates might talk about how much they loved the extra family time or chance to “do nothing”, but maybe for you it got on your nerves and you couldn’t imagine that glimpse of the future becoming the reality. There is a lot going on now and you’re thinking about health and return to football, but when the time feels right it would be good to reflect on what caused you problems, and think about the changes you can make to ensure you maintain happiness in retirement. You could also be having a completely opposite reaction to this crisis. You could be happy and relieved that this pause in the season came. Maybe it’s exactly what you needed. Whether you’ve been overworked from the packed schedule, mentally exhausted from a recent move, or still in your injury rehab where these months give you an extra bit of time to “catch up”, you may be viewing this time as a blessing in disguise. While it’s great to turn something negative into a positive, feeling this way could come with some guilt. It may seem a bit odd to be so thankful for this time while everyone else is stressing out and facing some of the most difficult hardships in their life, but you can’t let that guilt get to you. You deserve to be happy and work on yourself, and heal in an unapologetic way. While the whole world is dealing with the effects of this virus and the lockdown, we still all have our own unique and personal problems. Instead of letting the guilt interfere with your healing and peace, donate and give back where you can. Create more positives. A different feeling of guilt you might be feeling could be associated with the game. “I love the game so much, is it wrong that I’m happy we have this pause?” Of course you miss the game with all of your being, but this extra time to rest and spend more time with your family is extremely rare and should be embraced. Your goal always remains the same. Be the best player you can be and to help your team win. By honouring the time now to rest and prepare, you’ll be even more ready when the season returns. Some games have already been played while other leagues are preparing to return to training. Your thoughts and feelings around resuming play can be just as confusing and complex as they were when football first stopped. While there is certainly an eagerness to play and feel the beautiful green grass underneath your feet again, that doesn’t come without a bit of fear and hesitation. This coronavirus crisis forced us to put things into perspective and focus on what really matters. There are more important things in life than football (yes I’m even shocked with myself that I just wrote that), and it’s okay if your mind is focusing on these things more than the game right now. Or that you feel uncomfortable with the thought that there is such a focus on playing while many people are still sick and dying. And above all you’re concerned over your own family’s health and wellbeing. It can almost feel like being asked to return from injury weeks before you are fully fit. Or that feeling you get when you find out you have to play on turf. That hesitation and fear that something bad is going to happen once you start playing in unsafe conditions. Some of you may be living with immune-suppressed parents, a pregnant missus, or young children. Everything you do is for them and now you’re being asked to possibly be putting them in danger? I get the astronomical business and financial side to the importance of resuming play and I respect that football is much more than just a game in so many ways. But my degree is in Applied Sport Psychology and my soul’s purpose is rooted in deep love for the game and helping footballers reach their full potential. So no disrespect to those aspects, that’s a whole other world that I respect the importance of, but I simply cannot speak on. While these other aspects of football are expanding, whether thats the financial or media side, I believe the care and attention to needs of the footballers, as people, should be improving, growing, and evolving as well. This is all so complex and unlike anything we’ve seen before, so there is no right or wrong way for you to be handling this situation. What we’ve seen during this epidemic is the entire world come together during these uncertain times. Now you’ll be doing that with your teammates. It may almost feel like coming into preseason and meeting new players, since more personal problems your teammates deal with may be at the forefront now and you see a new side to someone you haven't seen before. Or maybe you feel like the new player, a bit awkward and uncomfortable as you enter a new unknown. Unsure how your situation will be accepted, while still needing guidance and comfort on the matter. But this situation isn’t completely new, you've been here before. In fact that’s what football is after all. People from all different backgrounds, with different pasts and problems, different strengths and weaknesses, and also different knowledge and wisdom, coming together as one for the greater goal. While the goal has always been to win, and it still is, it might have been approached in a more ruthless way in the past. Now is a time for empathy, compassion and understanding. Full support for one another as you navigate on this unpredictable road and grow together. This isn’t the first challenge you faced as a team and it won’t be the last. As the late, great Kobe Bryant said, “We’ve been through so many battles the trust naturally grows. The more wars you fight together the more you understand the people you’re in battle with.” I pray you all stay healthy, free from injuries, free from the virus, and free of any overwhelming negative emotions and thoughts. Be patient with your teammates, be patient with yourself, and be present in the moments you are one with the football. Hold onto those moments of joy and embrace them unapologetically. Remember that everything you are feeling is normal. ALL of your emotions are valid. Remember you are brave.
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